Classes have once again started and I am overjoyed to break my monotonous 9-5 day job with a few hours of school.
I had a momentary scheduling disaster this semester, as I learned that my teacher didn't allow the use of calculators in my algebra class, something that is a complete deal breaker with me. I took the Intro to this class last semester and although I got an A, I could not have done so without a calculator, my brain just doesn't function that well with mental math. I convinced myself to stick it out for a week, hoping that the problems would be simpler and the tests/quizzes/exams shorter, but I learned quickly that it would not be the case.
As badly as it sucked to have to drop a class that I had bought the book already, I feel much better now that I'm out of that class and can focus my efforts on maintaining my GPA and doing my homework, not re-learning basic math for hours a night just to solve one problem.
I am now in a Creative Writing class instead, which wasn't my first choice, but I had no real choice when the History teacher told me rather harshly that she wasn't accepting any new students, after asking me if I was the girl emailing her, which I wasn't. It's going rather well however, I have a desperate hope that this class will re-awaken the creative fire that once burned through me but which has long since been snuffed...but I know that's probably wishful thinking. I think my brain forgot a long time ago how to be creative.
I'm rather frightened at how quickly my artistic side died after I graduated from high school, and it's most likely a combination of mounting distractions, the constant knot of stress in my stomach that I just can't seem to shake, the monotony of doing work I'm not passionate about, and this never-ending headache that seems to have swallowed my entire brain.
At least I can still read, I've read about twenty books the past two weeks and maybe that's part of my problem. Maybe I'm too encased in other author's worlds that I can't seem to break out of them and make my own. Maybe reading this much is killing my creativity.
Maybe my brain is like those sticky toys I had as a kid, the ones that you could throw against the wall and they'd stick really good until they got all full of dust and pocket lint. Maybe my creative ideas just can't stick to my brain because there's all this other crap filling it up. I think it's time for a purge. I think I need to take a day, devoid of all electronics, books, creations, art and people, hopefully that will suck all the fog from my brain. I'll have to give it a shot.
Anyways, school is fun and finally paid for, I'm still broke, I'm still stressed, but I guess it's a good kind of stress. Not the kid of stress that bogs you down, but the kind that helps you get out of bed in the morning because you know things just won't run properly if you aren't there to make sure it goes right. I just wish I could find something to get passionate about again.